I express my feelings here by writing. Struggling with a few mental illness so I use tumblr as my escape.
“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind.”
Thank you for taking us along on the adventure, Anthony Bourdain.
It feels so good to not count calories, or be afraid to step on the scale, or to order something from a menu, recovery takes time but the results and progress is amazing.
Dayani Gutierrez
I haven’t been posting a lot on here. Been posting more on my Ig. @xo.lame
if you have a mental illness props to you for fighting your inner battles. You are amazing, strong and brave. May you recover soon. Messages are always open if you have questions or just need someone to talk to. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Left Jan. 2017 and right is Dec. 2017
Recovery…. I’m trying to eat breakfast lunch and dinner and it’s working. I feel good about my body.
I also read an Article about starving and it kinda scared me.
So please Huns…. don’t starve I know it feels pretty good when you are use to it. But the after long term effects put your health at risk.
Where you wake up and feel like you don’t even have an eating disorder anymore. You spend all day eating foods you love and savoring them. You eat fats and carbs and you don’t even count the calories…
And then it’s 4:30 in the afternoon and suddenly everything inside you is screaming because Ana is back and you have no idea how much you’ve eaten but you know it’s well over your calorie count for the day and you can feel all the food inside of you digesting and turning into fat. You’re disgusting and you’re out of control and you can’t do anything but hate yourself and vow to run until your legs are numb.
Does it ever go away? Is it all just a trick? Am I going to spend the rest of my life falling for self destructive traps?
I honestly can’t remember what it feels like to see my life in any other way.
Same 😭😭
Pic was taken January 2017 I’ve come a long way from anorexia. I’m eating more, and exercising less, but don’t get me wrong there’s days where Ana comes crawling in and makes me feel bad. Yesterday I started new treatment, they weighted me. I got on the scale and I was afraid. Things are getting better. Maybe gaining weight isn’t bad.
When I say people scare me
It’s not because I’m afraid to talk to them.
I’m more afraid of how their mindset is set up.
They think…“Today I’ll be Fat”. What they mean is
Today I will indulge in food that makes me happy.“Your anxiety and depression are due to the lack of your faith.”
What they mean, is I’ve never had a mental illness so I blame you.“ You’re Crazy.You don’t look like you have an eating disorder.”
What they mean, is I know nothing about mental health and disorders.When I say people scare me, I’m afraid that their ignorance might get to some people that struggle with these issues.
Let me throw some knowledge to those ignorant people:
-One in two is frightened by people with mental illness.
-one in four is affected by a mental illness.
-8.6 million adults have suicidal thoughts
-Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death
-people of colour have less access to care.
-1 in 30 experience PTSD
-1 person commits suicide every 16.2 minutes.And you reading this, might say “why the hell do you care on what they think. ”
Well, these ignorant people don’t understand that these are some of the stigmas of mental health and I will be a voice to the mental health community and won’t tolerate the belittling on these issues.
I’m accepting my body. I’m learning that gaining weight is absolutely fine. I’m loving me.
Dayani Gutierrez //10:09
Starting a new eating disorder treatment and I’m not sure if I’m ready for that.
venus-academia
nothing is as tender as annotating your favourite books. it’s like leaving a piece of your heart on the pages for somebody else to find.
